a collection of things that make me laugh, smile or hungry.
because my natural face is bitch face
When I was navigating my awkward way through adolescence, Judy Blume’s infamous Forever was the choice “dirty” book whose passages were passed about through hurried whispers and discreet transactions. We slipped it under desks, left it in lockers, and never spoke it’s name in the presence of our parents. The tingling feeling it brought to our nether areas was new, glorious, but not something to be discussed during family game night.
Even now, as a withering old woman, my belly gets all squirmy and when I recall those sacred wrinkled pages I turned to in the safety of my closet (particularly the scene involving Katherine and Michael moving their action to multi-colored rug… as to better hide the eminent stains that come from deflowering).
Albeit this book was written in 1979, the worst Forever had to offer was a lot of premature ejaculation and introducing the fear of spreading VD to the youth of the eighties. (the clap! how vintage!)
The cherub-faced lovers spent a deal of time together, fell in love, and THEN proceeded to hand jobs and full-on coitus.
So when I hear that “kids these days” are reading the Twilight porn Fifty Shades of Grey like it’s the next Harry Potter series, I have to question the state of our youth. I don’t want to spoil this book for anyone who embarks on the challenge that is reading this garbage, but I’ll just leave you with this:
If 13-year-olds are reading romanticized tales of a virgin giving into whipping, bondage, submission, and succumbing to a guy who spanks her, forces her to call him “Sir,” and doesn’t let her look him in the eyes.. what in the hell are these lasses going to expect/want/actually do the first time they are behind closed doors with their own personal Ralph?